Wednesday 10 August 2022 \

 

I get angry when I see injustice.

Sometimes I cannot constrain myself when I see something wrong or unjust. I always say directly that they aren’t right (it doesn’t matter who they are: bosses, friends, adults, kids). Maybe, I do it because of my hot temper? Usually I’m very quiet and cheerful person.

When I see that my friends drink alcohol, or do something unhealthy, it’s usually above my patience and I start to hector them, argue with them and sometimes it lead to fights. I have already quarreled with all my relatives.

I have not been married, my mother wants me to marry, but I don’t want, maybe it’s wrong. Lately I didn’t pay attention to those moments that used to make me angry. But again, if there is something unfair about me and my friends, we begin to quarrel. Recently, again there was a case and I barely restrained myself. And I thought, -”I’ll forget it”, but could not. The whole day was thinking about it (go to revenge, perhaps?), I wanted to distract to another issues, but couldn’t – I think, I do the same as earlier? I do not know, maybe I'm wrong in my arguments.

Answers:

From the viewpoint of religion:

It’s very good that you disagree with the injustice. Your disagreement with the evil says us about your faith! Saying only good and refraining from criticising is forbidden - it’s a responsibility of all Muslims. The Messenger of Allah (salallaahu alaihi wasallam) said: “Each of you who sees vice, let him stop it with hand (with the strength), if he cannot, let him stop it with tongue (with gently remark), if he cannot, let him stop it with a heart (a disagreement of reality). It is a sign of the feeblest faith”. (Muslim, № 70).

However, if you sincerely wish to correct blameworthy, negative, it is necessary to do it delicately, softly, tactfully that your words would be accepted, otherwise there is a risk that your behavior will cause negative response. After all, Allah says in Quran (the meaning): "Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and good instruction, and argue with them in a way that is best." (Sura "An-Nahl", verse 125).

From the viewpoint of psychology:

There are many cases as yours but the main cause of them is various and deep as we think. First of all you must understand what motives really move you to do it. It’s very good and meritorious if you react to violations in norms of Islam and society morals. In this case you are acting as a man interested in preventing others from vice. However, it is important to remember some features the avoidance of which can lead to negative consequences. In particular, I am talking about the influence of your words on people around you: they listen to you or not. 

There are many cases when people avoid someone because he/she reproaches them all time, they dislike him because they know that he always says truth. The main thing is that our remarks be adequate and bring only a benefit. Unfortunately most people perceive critics wrong using negative defending reaction. Because of it before saying something we should think how this man will perceive our words.

Most will depend on your tone, and your facial expression. Don’t forget that critics from a friend is perceived better than from enemy. Because of it you should refuse from rude accusatory expressions towards others specifying not the personality but the act itself. For example replace the phrase: Why are you lying now? You can say with another way “It’s not a need to tell lie now, it will be worse for you and me”. In principal in both phrases the same sense but the second phrase more gently here we don’t specify someone we only express our point about present. This method can be used in other situations too.                                                                               

Sometimes when a man feels his insignificance he starts to criticize everybody around, if it’s a little mistake he can describe it as the biggest sin. He rise up himself using the weakness of somebody, very often he has more  deficiencies then their victim but doesn’t pay attention to them. I suppose it’s the main problem of our society. And I hope that this doesn't touch you, neverthless, it is always advisable to carry out self criticism.

Ask Alim

 

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