Wednesday 31 May 2023 \


I cannot convey the truth to my relatives

I have grown up in a Muslim family. But noone taught me to do salah and noone made me dress according to Islam. I came to it myself. My grandfather was a man who studied Qur'an, but he didn't teach his children anything.

My uncles are educated people, but are not serious about religion. They consider hijab as unnecessary, and the execution of prayer as a matter of choice of everyone. I had disputes with my senior uncle because of that, after what my parents scold me. It’s almost a crime in our family to argue with elders or teach them.

But when someone puts in doubt the laws of Allah, I get angry and I don't care who I am talking with. Parents listen to such talks silently, and command me to keep silent in order to avoid quarrels with our relatives. How should Muslim react to such talks, when it is impossible to convey anything to closed heart?


From the point of view of religion:

It is said in the Qur'an about the obligation of wearing the hijab and the prayer, therefore denying the obligation of following these terms leads to disbelief (kufr)! Such people need to say the Shahadah and repent. However, the one who is convinced of the necessity of doing the salah and the wearing of hijab, but does not comply with one or the other for any reason as laziness, old trend, "lack of time" , etc., - falls into sin, but remains faithful.

Allah, referring to the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), said (meaning): "O Muhammad, call to the religion of your Lord, with wisdom and beautiful, soft exhortation..." ("An-Nahl", № 125). اُدْعُ إِلَى سَبِيلِ رَبِّكَ بِالْحِكْمَةِ وَالْمَوْعِظَةِ الْحَسَنَةِ

Therefore defend your point of view (in fact the Truth), but do it quietly, politely, because that is the way you can achieve more success. None of us would like if we are imposed another point of view, especially by the man who is much younger than we, in a rude form, arguing with us, etc. It is known that next to the Allah’s Messenger (pbuh) lived a Jewish man, who was making harm to the Prophet (pbuh) every day throwing garbage in front of the Messenger’s house (pbuh) and the Prophet (pbuh) only said in response, "Is this the way one should treat his neighbor?" One day, coming out of his house, the Prophet (pbuh) did not see garbage in front of his threshold and asked, what was with his neighbor. When he was replied that the neighbor was sick, he decided to visit him. Seeing such a good attitude from the Messenger of Allah (pbuh), the Jew repented and in spite of the fact that he harmed the Prophet (pbuh) so much he said the Shahadah and accepted Islam at once!

Show by your own example, how Islam ennobles man making him better. For example, when you help your mother, uncle, or anyone else, say him: Islam calls to help seniors, to obey them, etc. And, of course, ask the Almighty to instruct them, help them and accept the Truth!


From the point of view of psychology:

Unfortunately this problem occurs very often. Your desire to bring the truth to everyone deserves a praise, but it still should not be a reason to drift apart from your relatives and quarrel with them. Our religion teaches us to debate with others about religion, using the best arguments, and choosing nice words and deeds.

First of all look at your way to the truth: how did you came to it, what was the reason for you to accept the truth. You personally would probably be against being imposed another’s views, it is important for you to come to them yourself. So are others: noone likes when something is proven to him obtrusively; one appreciates the fact, he realized on his own. That is the direction you should go. The most important is to understand that you unwittingly may provoke others to unacceptable expressions towards the religion. This happens because a simple law "the Force of action is equal to the force of counteraction" triggers. That is your words can be as stimulus, and any stimulus assumes the reaction. As a result your relatives will simply avoid contacting with you; this will increase their generally negative attitude towards religion, which is not acceptable.

It is very important to keep in mind that any argument, which is from a friend, will be taken less critically than from an enemy. Maybe your disputes with your relatives made them see you negatively, and this attitude has passed on the information that comes from you. Change your tactics, dialogue style, do not debate, it is very important.

Of course, your desire to bring them to compliance with the canons of Islam is quite understandable, but your actions may lead to the opposite: you will antagonize your relatives against yourself forcing your parents to choose whose side to be on, whom to protect, and that is the choice they don't want to do. For the time being they will protect you, but there is no guarantee that they will not be tired to be a buffer between you and other relatives (who may be their brothers and sisters), and they will not turn their anger on you. Do not allow that to happen, religion should not be a reason for a feud between you and your folks or between themselves. Sometimes it's better just to keep silent than to turn the situation against yourself by an uttered word. Do not consider it as a defeat; it is a usual policy, which can turn into a success. Besides, do not forget that the best argument - is example by your own actions. If your folks see that religion has made you better, honorable, kinder, it will affect the perception of the whole situation. However, you on the contrary, show them that religion has made you a disputer, who shows disrespect to elders, with all the ensuing consequences. This is no good at all, and it does not help you to achieve your goals.

Attention should also be paid to the fact that knowledge is the most important source and the reason why people come to faith. Make sure that your folks have the ability to obtain the correct knowledge about Islam. It is likely that they by learning the basics of religion, can understand where the truth is, and accept the correct faith.

Ask Alim


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