Wednesday 10 August 2022 \

 

How to return good relations in the family.

My husband doesn't want to understand me. Maybe I do something wrong, I do not know, please give some advices. We have been living together for 2, 5 years but we have no children. My husband doesn't pray, and I pray from time to time though I know that each missed prayer is a big sin.

Several days he didn’t stay at home at night. Because of it I had unreasonable suspicions; I was frightened that he had another woman. He always said that loves me... I constantly rang him; he took the phone very seldom. I thought only about bad and I was crying all night. Yesterday he didn’t take the phone again.  When he came home I was crying. Then I said him all what I think about this situation -“You can divorce, if you have no desire to see and hear me!” He was shocked. He said that he loves me and wants to be only with me. But our relations are not as they were before. I want to return the former relations, when we lived in perfect harmony... What can I do? What I must change in my behavior? How to return his good attitude?

Religious opinion:

First of all you must know that the prayer is a religious pillar. The neglect an obligatory prayer is one of the heavy sins. The Messenger of Allah, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said "the one who will neglect and miss a prayer, will meet Allah оn the Day of Judgment with anger on him" ("Kanzul-ummal", No. 18875).

  من ترك الصلاةلقي الله تعالى وهوعليه غضبان

Also the Prophet sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, said: "The first, what the slave will be asked about in the Doomsday is a prayer. And if it will be correct, the slave will save himself and will succeed, but if it will not be right, the slave will fail and will be a loser" ("Kanzul-ummal", No. 18877).

إن أول مايحاسب به العبديوم القيامةمن عمله الصلاةفان صلحت فقدأفلح و أنجح، و إن فسدت فقدخاب و خسر

 

إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَ لَا تَجَسَّسُوا

Don't neglect the eternal life. Start to pray and push to it your husband if you really love and value him. Don’t expect fortune and wellbeing to be in the house where you make sins every day.

God Almighty says in the Quran: "O you who believe! avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other, …" (Sura "al-Hujurat", аят 12).

Based on this arguments, to think that people are bad, and also spy on them is a sin! Suspecting your husband of treason, observing where he is now and what he is doing at the moment, also not good, you are making a sin. There are no grounds to accuse the husband of treason if he works hard and stays at home very seldom. Your husband’s fault is that he tries to provide you good life. He is too gentle and kind to you.

All your suspicions and negative feelings only split your family and come from Satan. It tries to destroy your marriage and make you unfortunate.

Don't fall for its ruse, hold yourself. After all your husband says that he loves and loyal to you, what do you want more? If you don't stop constantly call your husband and surround him with your excessive jealousy, you will achieve that in one "fine" day he will agree to divorce you.

You can't become pregnant and because of it you may have such suspicions too. Maybe without baby you cannot feel yourself a perfect woman. Your fears are linked with it. You think that he can find another woman who will give him a baby. I don’t want to go into some more details in looking at this topic.I think psychologist will advise about it.

 Your husband and you should go to the doctor and have medical checking.

As a last resort you can use such service, as artificial insemination. Our religion doesn't forbid artificial insemination if you observe the following rules:

1) the seed should belong to the husband of the woman;

2) the decent Muslim doctor should carry out fertilization.

However it is necessary to know that everything has a wisdom. There might be a reason, why you can't become pregnant. There are a lot of parents who regretthat they have children (for example, their children are murderers, criminals etc.).

Psychologist view:

It is good that you paid attention to an existing problem and began to look for the answers in yourself. Such approach helps you to accept psychologically right decisions and create the desirable relations in your family. If you want to change the attitude of your husband, you should change your behavior. All positive and negative moments occurring in your family directly depend on you. It is absolutely clear that you have a fear to lose your husband because you don't manage to get the child. It happens very often, if woman has a disease or the blood of partners is incompatible. In such situations the woman has fears that the husband leaves her and will marry ones more. What is really important for you – stop to fear because it destroys all your social life. And all your fears which have no basis can actualise in reality.

When you start to follow your fears, you start to depart further and further from your husband thereby convincing yourself that you were right.

The jealousy is a poison and if you don't find antidote in time it will ruin your family relations. As a rule, the succession of events occurs according to the following scheme: Your suspicions and charges will necessitate your husband to hide from you certain details of his life and  when you find out  you become surer that your suspicions were right.

For this reason you should avoid questions linked with your suspicions and start to believe in your husband. I perfectly understand that it will be hard, but I’m sure you can do it because your further family life depends on it. Remember, how did you behave yourself when your husband and you had warm relationship, and ask some questions to yourself: Is your behavior the same as earlier? Do you do all right and nothing wrong?

What do you usually feel, when you call the husband? Most likely, there is an increasing excitement which turns into panic fear when your husband doesn’t answer in time. Because of it you think only about bad and imagine the pictures which aren’t in reality.  What do you think, Is it right? Change the nature of your behavior, be yourself, and then you will notice the situation itself will become better.

And never lose the hope that God Almighty will present you with the child, carry out a treatment, conduct the correct way of life. Don't leave performance of obligatory prayers because your efforts and persistence in it will lead your husband to perform prayers too.

Ask Alim

 

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